Memories
by ChEmMiE
Summary: Their trip to Afghanistan brings back some memories. Gibbs gets Ziva to talk to him, but he hadn't expected what she tells him. Post-ep for 'Engaged part II'


**Hey :)**

**So, I wrote this earlier today... It's a post-ep for Engaged part II (saw it lastnight here in Canada... I know, unfair, right? :P)**  
><strong>I'm not sure how I feel about the episode.. It was great and all, but am I the only one that feels like the writers have completely disregarded Somalia? Sure, they have Tony refer to it, but wouldn't it only have made sense for it to somehow come up in relation with Ziva (back in the desert, terrorists, people getting tortured etc...)?<strong>

**Anyways, this doesn't really have anything to do with that :)**  
><strong>Just wrote it on a whim earlier today... figured it would be evil to post it before the episode aired in the US, though :)<strong>

**Haven't read through it yet, though... Just a warning! :P**

**ENJOY!**

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><p><strong>Memories<strong>

Gibbs hadn't expected anyone to be in the office. He had sent them all home earlier that day, telling them to get some rest and be back on time the next morning, knowing that this latest case had taken its toll on all of them. However, sitting at home in his basement he'd quickly discovered that the leftover adrenaline had him too restless, the memories the case had brought back and the new ones from his trip to Afghanistan not able to be drowned out with his usual Bourbon, and he wasn't even able to think up a new project to build.

And thanks to his jet lag he wasn't planning on going to sleep any time soon.

He wasn't sure whether or not he should be surprised when he entered the squad room and saw the single light on in the cubicle next to his own. But he figured that he couldn't blame her for showing up here, since he after all did the exact same thing.

"Ziver." He greeted her as he walked past her cubicle to his own, just in case of the off chance that she hadn't heard his entrance. She was wearing sweat clothes, her hair tied up in a messy bun except from a few pieces that had fallen out, and Gibbs was certain she'd been working out more that day than in the past few weeks combined.

"Gibbs." The look on her face when she looked up to meet his eyes had him pause for a millisecond before he proceeded to sit down in his chair. He wasn't sure exactly what the look in her eyes meant. He'd known Ziva for a long time, and by now he'd learned to read her quite well, but that expression was one he'd never seen on her before. What really surprised him, though, was that her expression was open. That she'd let her guard down.

She had not even looked away from him yet.

"Got lost on your way home?" The somewhat lost, sorrowful look on her face faded slightly as a small smile crept upon her lips.

"I could ask you the same question." He shook his head slightly at her bantering tone as he booted up his computer.

"Ran out of Bourbon." The smirk she gave him when he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes told him she knew he was lying, but he hadn't really expected her to believe it in the first place.

"Right. And there are no stores open past midnight in the middle of D.C." Ignoring her sarcastic reply he set to work on his computer, knowing from the sound of fingers quickly working their way across the keyboard that Ziva was doing the same.

He was really glad DiNozzo wasn't around, though. He'd tried finishing up some of the paperwork that had piled up on his desk during their short trip, but quickly realized that his head just wasn't in it right now, despite how he currently didn't want to be anywhere but at work. He didn't even want to imagine what his senior field agent would say if he saw him right now.

When a tiny grunt escaped his throat, Ziva just chuckled without looking away from her screen.

"Did you lose, Gibbs?" He sent a glare at his newest and youngest agent before turning back to his screen and pressing the 'new game' button.

"How did you know I was playing FreeCell?" When Ziva smirked, Gibbs couldn't help but think if this was how his agents all felt when he seemed to know everything. He sometimes forgot just how well tuned Ziva's so-called ninja senses – as DiNozzo referred to them as – were.

"You have spent too much time around Tony." He raised an eyebrow silently ordering her to continue. "You have the same... game face?" Her hand waved around in the air as she tried to find the word she was looking for.

Once more Gibbs just shook his head, returning to his game.

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><p>When it neared 2 AM and neither of them showed any signs of going home, Gibbs left to get coffee. He decided that the surprised look that appeared on Ziva's face as he placed the cup of steaming hot tea on her desk just a few short minutes later made it worth getting his coffee from the break room.<p>

"Did you hit your head, Gibbs?" He started to smirk, planning on just ignoring her as he was about to walk away, when a picture taped to the cubicle wall behind her chair caught his attention. Seeing her boss freeze up, Ziva automatically looked over her shoulder to see what he was looking at.

Gibbs noticed how Ziva's shoulders visibly slumped instantly as her gaze landed on that same picture, and the expression that had been planted on her face when he first arrived returned in the blink of an eye.

"Ziver..." She didn't seem to hear him as her hand seemingly reached out on its own, gently tracing the face on the left side of the picture.

"One of the other lieutenants gave me this before we left." She carefully pulled the picture off of the wall, not objecting when Gibbs gently took it from her hands.

"They are beautiful girls." A small smile formed on Ziva's lips as her boss carefully studied the two smiling figures in the picture. They were covered in wounds and scars and still they managed to smile, even with their eyes, and Gibbs couldn't help the soaring pride that spread in his heart. Yes, he was furious and his heart mourned for what they had had to go through, but he was so proud of how well they were dealing with it. He doubted he'd have been able to smile if it had been him in their situation.

"Very." The sad smile on his agents face brought him back to the bull pen. Giving back the picture to Ziva he didn't miss how she started tracing the small burns on the youngest girl's cheek.

"That's why you're here?" She shrugged her shoulders and Gibbs couldn't blame her. He wasn't completely sure what exactly had made him come either. "I was wondering whether it would be a good idea to bring you." It was something he would normally never tell anyone, but the emotions and the late hour seemed to have some kind of effect on him. The curious, although still somewhat offended look in Ziva's eyes however had him questioning himself about how smart it had been to share that with her.

"You were the obvious choice, just didn't know if it would bring back too many memories of last time." He didn't have to say exactly what he was referring to, it was painfully obvious to the both of them. The almost shocked look on her face at his words surprised Gibbs, though.

"I have not even... started comparing _that_ yet." Her gaze returned to the picture and Gibbs narrowed his eyes. There was obviously something else going on with Ziva. "It will probably come later, though." He really would be surprised if their trip didn't affect her in some way, though. Besides from Paris, it was the first time she'd left the country since they brought her back home, and of all the places it had to be to a desert filled with bombs, violence and terrorists, not to mention rescuing hostages and having to deal with people – even kids – that had gotten tortured.

"They remind me of Tali and I." Her soft, almost inaudible confession was laced with a sadness that managed to pull Gibbs out of his thoughts, and he found that Ziva was once again staring at the picture with that open but still unreadable look on her face.

"Your sister?" She nodded, and for a split second Gibbs thought he saw something looking like a tear in the corner of her eye, but it was gone again before he could be sure.

"My father, he..." She choked on her words, and it wasn't until Gibbs reached out and gave her hand, the one now clenching the picture, a reassuring squeeze, that she looked up and met his eyes. The look in her eyes told him that the sentence had slipped out before she even realized it, before she had a chance to stop it.

He knew that she didn't want to finish the sentence she'd started, but as much as he hated to admit it, his curiosity had been peaked. Ziva barely ever talked about her past or her family, and when she did, it was always as impersonal as possible. So Gibbs figured that whatever she'd been about to tell him must be quite significant if she'd been that shocked about almost sharing it, and it would most likely only be good for her if she let some of all those suppressed memories and feelings out.

"Yes?" She looked away from him, biting her lip, and when she looked back up she was met with a stern look.

"I can't tell you, Gibbs. I've never told anyone." He couldn't decide whether her voice sounded more scared and insecure, stubborn or panicked, but he figured it was a combination of all of them. He was sure that the jet lag was affecting her too, though, cause she would've normally never been so open with her emotions and definitely never slipped up like that.

"Secret's safe with me, Ziver." She still didn't look convinced, and Gibbs knew how hard it was for her to share personal details. Giving her hand another squeeze he realized she hadn't even noticed he still held her hand, if the way her head whipped towards hm was any indication. Her eyes looked troubled, and Gibbs gave her his best reassuring smile, his own eyes telling her that she could trust him, that he wouldn't judge her on whatever she told him.

Letting out a deep sigh she pulled her hand out of his, subconsciously tracing the young faces on the picture once more as she looked at the small piece of paper, although Gibbs would bet she wasn't really seeing what she was looking at. She looked up briefly as her boss walked around to her side of the desk and gently leaned back against it, something he figured was most likely just a reflex on her part.

"Eli..." Just uttering that one word seemed like a challenge to her, and while Gibbs wanted nothing more than to give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, he wasn't sure if she would currently appreciate it. "He would... Sometimes he would... beat us." Her voice kept losing volume with each word that left her mouth, and even though the last part of her sentence was barely audible Gibbs still heard it. He'd always known that Eli David was a bastard, it wasn't exactly a secret, and while he'd always suspected something like this, that Ziva's childhood had been even less perfect than she let on, it still hurt him so much more to hear it confirmed than he had expected. Well, it infuriated him as much as it hurt him, but he wasn't going to let either emotion show right then. He was certain all that would result in would be making Ziva close back up again.

"The only times he hurt Ari was when he tried to interfere... And he wasn't around that much." She'd almost hesitated before saying her brother's name, and Gibbs knew it was more for his sake than her own. And while he could never hate the man less, at least knowing that he'd tries to stop his sister from getting hurt prevented Gibbs from hating him more.

"Did it happen often?" Her eyes flew towards him, and it wouldn't surprise Gibbs if she'd completely forgotten he was there. He was just happy that she didn't seem to be putting her walls back up, rather just shrugging her shoulders.

"It was different. Sometimes."

"And your mom didn't stop him?" She bit her lip and subconsciously wiped away some tears that had never been allowed to be formed.

"She died when I was 9." Sure, she'd tried taking them away that same year, but with her death they'd been sent back to Eli. And it wasn't like she'd been that successful in stopping her husband before leaving him. Ziva wasn't going to tell Gibbs that, though.

For a while there was nothing but silence in the bullpen, Ziva being lost in thoughts as she kept tracing the same pattern over and over again on the photograph.

"He would only ever touch Tali if she got in trouble." She put the picture back on the table as she turned her head away from Gibbs, unsuccessfully trying to cover up how her voice cracked slightly at the mention of her sister getting hurt. "I would try to take the blame when I could. Didn't always work, but... I didn't want him to hurt my baby sister..." This time when Gibbs saw the tears appear in her eyes, he knew he wasn't imagining them.

"What about you?" The way she'd only described what happened to her siblings hadn't gone unnoticed to Gibbs. He hadn't known whether or not to ask the question, afraid that she wouldn't answer, and he was relieved when she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Tali was his favorite." She said it in a way that made it sound like it explained everything, and while Gibbs had his suspicions about what she meant, he still raised an eyebrow questionably, causing Ziva to sigh. "He..." She was quiet for so long that Gibbs was starting to doubt whether or not she was going to answer. "He liked to take it out on me if he was in a bad mood or if he'd had a bad day, or..." She sounded almost completely detached, like it had never mattered to her, and Gibbs hated knowing that it was probably the only way she'd even been able to deal with it. "Or if I wasn't good enough at something." The way she said it with a little laugh, as if it was funny, made the older man believe that that had been the case most of the time.

"Guy's a bastard." Oh, Gibbs thought he was much more just a bastard, but not knowing how Ziva would react he stayed safe. When she did look at him her face was completely blank, so Gibbs finally gave her shoulder the squeeze he'd been itching for since she began her story.

"Please, Gibbs." The blank mask cracked and was replaced by an almost pleading look. "I have never... I do not want anyone else to know." He knew she was referring to their colleagues.

"I won't tell anyone." Although he gave her a reassuring smile it did little to sad look in her eyes. "But Ziver, what he did to you and your siblings, it does not make you week and it is _not_embarrassing or shameful. Not to you!" He was giving her one of his hardest glares, wanting to make sure that she was listening and that she knew he meant every word. "He is the weak one for allowing himself to fall so low, and if anything it makes you so much stronger to have lived through that and still come out as a much bigger person than he ever was."

Gibbs knew that despite the fact that Ziva most likely knew that what he was saying was true, it would take more than just his words to reverse the mental effects of years of abuse.

"Now go home, kid, get some sleep. You're supposed to be back and ready to work in less than 5 hours." That earned him a smile and a small chuckle, and he hadn't missed how her eyes had lit up when he'd referred to her as his kid.

"I have functioned without sleep for much longer, Gibbs." Playfully rolling his eyes he threw his empty cup in her trash can, pushing himself off of her desk.

"Wasn't a request, David!" He leaned down placed a kiss on top of her hair, equally loving and hating how such a small sign of affection managed to brighten her mood considerably, before heading towards the elevators. "And Ziver," Stopping halfway there he turned around to see her shutting down her computer. "I don't want to see you in till noon, got it?" His glare told her not to argue, and the grateful smile she sent him was all the answer he needed.

Turning back around he continued towards the elevator. He might have given Ziva the morning off, but he still had to be back in only a few short hours.

He needed some sleep.

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><p><strong>Feel free to leave a reply on your way out! I love hearing what people thing, no matter if it\s good or bad, long or short!<strong>  
><strong>And thanks for reading! :)<strong>


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